Peace of mind... Everything comes together..

First off, finals are DONE!!! I screwed up my first final completely, probably one of the worst final I have ever done in college, I can not remember the last time I did so badly on a final.. I realize the fact that I am just not good at E/M stuff.

For EE103 final, what once seems like an unblowable cushion seemed so vulnerable last night as I was making my final preparation for the test, for the first time in my life, I went into a test completely not understanding couple of very important concepts that will be covered, I simply could not understand it from his notes. I could have been the first person to leave the final out of 120 people but I chose to wait until one other guy turns in the exam before me, I thought the test was short and was puzzled by the fact that everyone was struggling and taking a long time, toward the end, I am almost positive I have been doing something terribly wrong but I really did not know what.. I really do not know what to expect when the scores come out.

EE 115A final was one of the weirder exam I have taken in college, most of the test was insanely easy, taken straight from the homework (AND it's open notes), it almost feels like I was cheated out of all the "extra" knowledge I possess, yet there were couple of very tricky problems which I am completely uncertain about, I guess it balances out. Again, I do not know what to expect from the score.. This is really odd because I have always prided myself on the fact that I KNOW how I did on a test and predict my score very well.

Ok, time for some more INTERESTING STUFFS!

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Ever since my ER visit, I have been more peaceful and calm as my roommates can attest. I have been more patient and appreciating things and people around me a lot more. It has been a period of subconcious reflection resulted from an unexpected and disasterous experience, through such reflection I have acquired a lot more inner peace and happiness.. Life is weird. Sometimes the most undesirable experience will net benefit beyond any foresight.. and the most desirable ones backfire.

I will be very abstract in the following entry :) My specialty

December 11th was a special day, it felt almost as if I was back in Beijing, mapping the area around my building, reminincing about my childhood, picturing my elementary school and the kindergarden nearby, hearing the sound of morning bell from the elemenbary school and looking across to the 5th floor of an adjacent building, seeing a strange face, yet wondering at the same time if we have ever met, or if we will ever meet. Everything was so close yet in reality all is far away, all except the strange face, the face that conveyed a fateful coincidence that is beyond my wildest imagination.. Can it be coincidental and fateful, or do these two words simply contradict..

There were so much that were shared, in such a brief period of time, two very ordinary memories of childhood, of growing up, nothing amazing, nothing peculiar, probably thousands of people share some in common, yet on this side of the globe, all became ever so precious, so unbelivable, so powerful. There are some people you have known for your entire life yet you do not really know them, while there are some, all you need is one afternoon, you feel like you have known them for your entire life.

A personality so unspoiled, uncorrupted by its environment, a rarity in today's American society where we almost encourage superficiality, hypocrisy, it seems like a need to survival, we really cannot blame any particular individual, it's our society that breeds the individual, slowly molding them into a certain way that is almost irrevocable.. the best anyone can manage is to develop a multitude of personalities, trying to hold within themselves the little bit that remains untouched, genuine and real... An individual just like myself who can never truly be influenced, no matter how I appear, that I know who I am beneath.. It is hard to find a individual who also shares what is beneath and also in a struggle not to let it fade away.. It is hard to find a person who is as genuine and truly genuine.. you know when someone is truly genuine, just then.. and only then you can truly let yourself free, let all that is beneath fly.


Girl, you make me feel lucky.